Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Lions and Tigers and Bears, well really just Lions

Meet Simba.

Simba was purchased for Cheese (my 6 year old) while shopping in Las Vegas. Simba was purchased not only as a reward for good behavior but also as a bribe for future behavior. Cheese loved her little Simba and carried him EVERYWHERE.

On the Vegas Strip

To Dinner

To the Bathroom...

Well things didn't quite workout in the bathroom. This is Simba soaked with toilet water after Cheese tried to balance him on mom's leg without her knowledge, just as I got up from the toilet. It was a miracle he made it because if it wasn't for mom reaching into the bowels of Vegas, he would have been sucked up by the industrial strength stainless steel toilet outside of Serendipity III. And would now be living where the swamp monsters run free and the ghosts of the Rat Pack drink dry martinis and sing in perfect harmony. Cheese wasn't so appreciative.

Because this is Cheese having her photo taken in the bathroom stall, immediately after "the incident", by her mother (pants down around ankles), thus securing her a future seat on a comfy couch with her therapist when she gets older.

Good times...

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Classy Co Co...

No this is not a post about Co CO Chanel… but more about Conan O’Brien, late night talk show host. As we head into 2010 maybe we can taken Conan’s dignity, his class and his words of wisdom and use them as a guide to our own life while we wait for our turn to ride the bull, lasso the cow or just be the clown in our own rodeo of life.

Admittedly, I am not a huge fan of Conan O’Brien, I didn’t write NBC to keep his show on nor did I camp out to be a part of his last performance. None the less I caught his finale last night and in case you missed it, here was Conan’s final speech as he said good night to the Tonight Show.

"Walking away from The Tonight Show is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Making this choice has been enormously difficult. This is the best job in the world, I absolutely love doing it, and I have the best staff and crew in the history of the medium. But despite this sense of loss, I really feel this should be a happy moment. Every comedian dreams of hosting The Tonight Show and, for seven months, I got to. I did it my way, with people I love, and I do not regret a second. I've had more good fortune than anyone I know and if our next gig is doing a show in a 7-11 parking lot, we'll find a way to make it fun.

And finally, I have to say something to our fans. The massive outpouring of support and passion from so many people has been overwhelming. The rallies, the signs, all the goofy, outrageous creativity on the internet, and the fact that people have traveled long distances and camped out all night in the pouring rain to be in our audience, made a sad situation joyous and inspirational.

To all the people watching, I can never thank you enough for your kindness to me and I'll think about it for the rest of my life. All I ask of you is one thing: please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism -- it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere.

Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."

Escaping to Vegas...

Where do you go to escape reality? The beach? Snow Skiing? A mountain retreat?

Well last week I spent my escape from the reals in Las Vegas. And on the contrary, let me say that nothing gives you a good ole "kick in the reality pants" than a trip to where "America goes to show off their Cleavage." To my point, nothing quite washes down last nights reality "hangover" than a $7.00 skinny caramel latte served with a $10.00 chocolate croissant.

Throughout the week, these waves of reality crashed into and out of my days, along with some pretty wonderful moments. For instance, I had a great moment, when I walked away from Craps on Monday a winner. And a reality moment when I played on Tuesday and spent that weeks grocery money. A great moment, a helicopter tour over the skyline at night, on the top of the world. And the the next morning, a reality moment, as I squinted into the bright morning sun with this time a liquor induced hangover, and realized that I was standing knee deep in nudie "business cards" and dried strawberry daiquiri which was now sticking all over my uncomfortable (but expensive) Vegas shoes.

I started to realize that while it is great to escape from my podunk vanilla life in the plains and for me into the bright lights of the big city, all the while wearing my patton leather boots and sequined tanks...I really missed my Ugg boots and velour tracksuits.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Random Tuesday Thoughts...


Randomness, that word couldn't be any more perfect on how I would describe today, well actually the past two days.

For starters I am working on my laptop, and will be until I find out how NOT to buy another HP...Why you ask? Because after all the wonderful things I had to say about technology on my last post, mostly refering to my phone...I must have pissed off oh great Computer One, because that God the one that looks over our computer memory got his feelings hurt, and well he crashed my computer Sunday night. I mean seriously did you not get enough sacrificial RAMs last year (get it) that you had to find search me out and crashed my desktop. And those guys at Geek Squad, you can suck it too my little eighteen year old pubescent nerds. Thanks for nothing.

Also yesterday I turned a simple oil change in the mommobile into a buy an oil change get new brakes for NOT FREE...$300 later. What is the car diety in kahoots with wise oh wise computer one?

Now, onto today, I am buried under 14 loads of laundry as we get ready for our Vegas trip next week. No I am not complaining about the Vegas trip (that my friends is the light at the week end's tunnel). But with that comes four other projects that need to be done for work, BEFORE the trip, on my LAPTOP.

I am also feeling guilty because Cheese is in with the babysitterTV, watching Spongebob and Martha Speaks with a little Drake and Josh mixed in, because there is nothing like expanding her mind, her language and her hormones with a little bit of teenage angst. "No honey, if we feed our cats alphabet soup they will not start talking like Martha." "I do realize that Spongebob is six and has a job." "And yes, I agree, Drake is hot."

And to be quite honest, all I really want to do is to devour a container of Wal-Mart "happy" cookies with the pink frosting and sprinkles, but instead I will have a Quick Trim/ Laxative combo chased with a Diet Mt. Dew because if I don't the cocktail dress I bought for said trip will not zip.

There is, however, some good news... I just received this email from bNet.com. Regarding an article adressing the challenges of modern life: email, Twitter feeds, instant messaging, text messages, and other snippets of information are coming at us so fast that it’s hard not to feel under digital attack.

A University of London study done for Hewlett-Packard (they can kiss my ass by the way) found that “infomania” — a term connected with addiction to email and texting — can lower your IQ by twice as much as smoking marijuana. (WHAT?) Moreover, email can raise the levels of noradrenaline and dopamine in your brain by constantly introducing new stimuli into your day. When those levels get too high, complex thinking becomes more difficult, making it harder to make decisions and solve problems — key roles for all managers.

OK, gotta go, peace out, hippies. I am outta here, going to score "some happy cookies", I mean seriously why can't I?

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Ten Questions...

I remember when I was a kid I had a project where I had to answer 50 questions about the first 40 Presidents of the United States from place of birth to length of term and slogans used against their opponents "54 40 or fight"~ James K Polk. And my source for this assignment, the World Book Encyclopedia, circa 1976. I remember still the burgundy leather bound books swelled with yellow tattered pages and corners folded to mark important pages. It took me about a week to gather all of that boring ass information from the books and place it into a report. And since my set of encyclopedias only covered up to Ford so I still had to muster up the energy to search the library for Carter and Reagan adding another couple of days of work.

Fast forward twenty plus years and holy cow, Mr. Dewey Decimal, while I am still forever in debt to your wealth of knowledge and enamored by your vastness, I worry for your future old man. Don't worry, you won't lose me as a patron as the older I become the more I realize your importance and still get aroused by the mere mention of the library. But then again I also get excited walking out to mailbox and a little giddy when I open the morning newspaper and have a sip of warm coffee.

But technology is giving you a run for your money pops...you better strap on a jet pack and propel yourself into the next decade and get ahead of the speeding bullet technology train...because as I was driving home tonight I began to think of all the ways I have used my Palm Pre phone to find out random information, and in most cases I found it out in less than a minute from the front seat of my car. I mean did you know that...

10. I can find out why Bear Grylls gave himself an enema on a raft last night on Man vs. Wild?

9. I can search for what they call the name of the bad ass flying dragon on Avatar so I cand then put it in my FB status as wanting to buy one.

8. I can use my phone to google the "correct" pronunciation of the word conch to settle a dispute between friends (and it is pronounced conk in case you are wondering).

7. I can use google maps to find out the closest IHOP, because they are the only "international house" that serve chocolate chip pancakes within a 30 mile radius.

6. I can read Pride and Prejudice, that took less than a minute to download.

5. I can take a snapshot of the Rocky Mountains and save it as my wallpaper.

4. I can find out what time, exactly, the International Space Station will be flying overhead.

3. I can also find out what time it will start snowing (within an hour) so that I can make sure my car is parked securely in the garage.

2. I can use it to RSVP YES for a helicopter ride over Vegas. Best watch out flying Elvis.

And lastly...

1. I can find out what color bras my girlfriends are wearing...

Friday, January 8, 2010

The project, because I can't get any more creative than that...

I started this post in my head about a hundred different ways. First as maybe a list of forty goals I want to accomplish this year, and since I turn forty next year I would call it forty b4 forty (not my original title) but nice huh?
And I was going to place those forty goals here for blogland to see, hoping that my listing them here would not only make me accountable, but I would encourage others to post their goals. Until I got to number six. 6. Be authentic... and I started to think, you know what exactly am I doing here?
So I looked up authentic- Synonyms: genuine, real, veritable; to share the sense of actuality and lack of falsehood or misrepresentation. Genuine refers to objects or persons having the characteristics or source claimed or implied.

So my authentic self, decided to take over...First goals are in most cases unmeasurable, and forty, what the hell am I thinking? Forty first of all is a stupid number (or that could be the fact that I resent moving closer to that number this year). And second, it seems a little overambitious don't you think? Especially in just one year. I may not be good with math but that is like 1 and 1/2 a week, and number #4 on my list was to have a hand in world peace, and I mean A) that is like totally unmeasurable and 2)it that really how I want to spend my time? And when I thought really hard about it, the only one who be that would really gain anything from my "goals" would be my overbearing "ego" who would just love to track me down on December 28th of this year and let me know with its nasally (Janice from Friends voice), "I told you so, I knew you couldn't accomplish that much in one year."

So scratch that horse shit. Forget goals, I am going to change my plan...instead I will start a list of small things that I would like to learn, finish or try this year. Focusing more on what I CAN accomplish than setting unrealistic goals that don't match my authentic self anyway. My list will be every changing and I will be able to add more as I see fit, because it is my list and we can say it together, SERIOUSLY WHY CAN'T I?

I have started this list on my about me page and will be a challenge to see how many items I CAN in fact cross off. And for the name of this great project... it is just, the project...because I can't get any more creative than that. Wanna play?

But before I go, I leave you with just one more book of inspiration maybe something that will help you to put together a list...it is called be, complied by Kobi Yamada . Wait, what I meant to say is I leave you with one more damn book of inspiration, ahhh that feels better. Here you go.

Be...be present, be first, be daring, be proactive, be constructive, be resourceful, be brilliant, be brave, be spontaneous, be resourceful, be alive...be yourself

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

I feel an essay coming on...

Five, five, five. A great number, FIVE. Lots of great things come in 5, a pack of gum, the Jacksons (did), fingers & toes, a bingo card has five rows, a kit kat bar. Oh, you are so going to run out and buy a kit kat bar to check this out aren't you? Actually it only comes in four mouth watering sticks, but at least I got your attention.

What I am getting at is that today is the 5th day of January and I have to say sport fans, I am really digging this year so far all five days of it. I have accomplished everything I have set out to do accomplish, mostly by making my daily list small and manageable. I even remembered to take my reusable bags into the store today. Take that Wal-Mart! I can feel it in my wee bones, 2010 is going to be a great year.

So to that fact, I have been reading a book called The Daily Reader, by Fred White, 366 selection of great prose and poetry to inspire a production and meaningful writing life. I read it each morning after my cup of coffee in a private place (if you get my drift). This morning I read for the first time a portion of "An Essay on Criticism" by Alexander Pope, which completely moved me (pun inteneded). It was written by Pope during the Age of Enlightenment, a time that was attributed to the "rise of modern science, democratic rule and the re-evaluation of the humanity's relationship to nature."

Reading it the first time, I understood took poem as a call against those who critique and judge without cause. And since is one of my "resolutions" for 2010 I found these words to be inspirational and wanted to share with someone. And since my husband thinks I am part wacky- part delusional, I thought I would post it here instead of reading it to him and share it with people who would appreciate it. Enjoy.

Of all the causes which conspire to blind
Man's erring, judgement and misguide the mind,
What the weak head with strongest bias rules
Is pride, the never-falling vice of fools,

Whatever Nature has in worth deny'd,
She gives in large recruits of needful pride;
For as in bodies, thus in souls, we find
What wants in blood in spirits, swell'd with wind:
Pride, where wit fails, steps in to our defence,
And fills up all the mighty voice of sense.
If one right reason drives that cloud away.
Truth breaks upon us a resistless day.

Trust not yourself; but your defects to know,
Make use of ev'ry friend- and ev'ry foe.
A little learning is a dang'rous thing:
Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring:
There shallow draughts intoxicate the brain,
And drinking largely sobers us again.

A perfect judge will read each work of wit
With the same spirit that its author writ:
Survey the whole, nor seek slight faults to find
Where nature moves, and rapture warms the mind.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Bare with me...


You have reached a website that is experiencing technical difficulities due to the fact that the owner doesn't know shit about HTML.

Hopefully things will be back to "normal" or close to it soon.

Come back now ya hear!

Friday, January 1, 2010

B-O-B-B-Y B-O-W-D-E-N....

As I look into my crystal ball I can certainly tell you that this will by my first and ONLY football related post ever (well unless Brett Farve leaves his wife and becomes my boy toy or Tom Brady has an affair on Giselle.)

So today it is with a sad heart that I sit here on my couch, tear(s) caught in the corner of my eyes, wearing my pjs (and not nursing a NYE hangover- darnit) watching my beloved Bobby Bowden, coach of the FSU Seminoles take the field for the very last time.

Growing up in Tallahassee, Florida and later attending FSU (during the good years, National Championship twice baby), then becoming a graduate and an Alumni, it is safe to say a piece of my garnet and gold heart will be walking away in the next 50 seconds through the stadium tunnel where the Football legends run wild.

Dadgummit Bobby Bowden I will miss you!!!