I could hear their sweet voices echoing throughout the bank/ post office/ real estate office as I dropped the 150th letter into the mail slot. "Glory you are fi-n-ished..."
That's right kids, I have mailed my last Christmas card, bought my last present and ordered my last online gift, sweet holy mother of little baby Jesus.
There are, however, some repercussions left in my Christmas dust. For instance, my credit card now has an attitude, a little resentment if you will and has threatened to embarrass me in public next time I foot the bill for friends at a swanky restaurant or wait in a long ass line to buy that necessary fur vest I have my eye, by stopping me in my tracks with a big fat gratuitous DECLINE. And my American Express, she has turned into quite the slut, as she hasn't seen so much action since the Madonna/ Britney lip lock in 2003.
On the up side, Amazon.com has given me a lifetime key to their special gold treasure box, for instance today I can purchase The Wrestler on Blu-Ray for $6.99. And yesterday it was a Mothers Powerball Mini Polishing tool for $19.99, how did they know that was on my list? I think I would rather they offer me Free Super Saving Shipping for every purchase over $100.01. Oh and Walmart has framed a headshot taken of me this morning sans make-up with a slight hangover and placed it damn near the Employee of the Month's photo, well actually it hangs around the corner close to the men's bathroom, but it reads, "Customer with the most visits in December (and it's not even over yet)." And Hobby Lobby is now sending me 40% coupons each week for all my business and they have asked me to teach a class on how to purchase and then return and then purchase again then return random Christmas decorations.
So all in all a decent couple of weeks. OK don't get your Christmas panties in a bunch, I haven't been hittin my coffee with the hooched up eggnog to think that I am completely done. As I am sure I will have a pop-up, you know a random friend that sends over a Christmas card, someone not on my original list and then I will, in turn, have to stuff an impersonal envelope and send one back. And I also realize that it would be impossible to think that I will go these next seven days without stepping my knock off designer boot in one store, I mean who am I kidding? It is about as unreasonable as thinking there are no more girls left to fall out of the tree that Tiger backed into. Boo yah...sorry Tiger.
But for today, right now, in this moment this Superhero aka "ShopperMom with the Christmas Belt Attachments" has won this year's round against the always aloof Christmas Spirit and won. See ya next year loser.
