Wednesday, September 30, 2009

What's all the Brew Ha Ha About?

Just when I thought things couldn't get any more bazaar. Wait let me rephrase, things CAN get way more bazaar... it could rain meatballs, we could all turn into Avatars and my daughter could actually put on the clothes I pick out each morning and NOT complain.

But have we really come to this? Girls in bikinis serving coffee? Come to find out that we are not even the last conservative mecca to jump on the "Full Bodied Brew" bandwagon. At the Wiki Wiki Coffee and Bikini Xpresso Shop here in Colorado, bikini clad young girls in their 20's are serving up coffee to horny groggy men one hot Brazilian wax, I mean cup at a time.

Many images come to my mind when I think of a babe in a bikini...the beach, slut, catching some rays, skank and maybe a pina colada if I was a little parched. But COFFEE? I cannot think of one time that I that I have EVER been at the pool sunning myself only to look up with green eyes of envy at a good looking girl in the string bikini and thought to myself, "you know what I could go for a nice piping hot cup of joe".

OK, I get it, I know that the Wiki Wiki is not actually marketing to me; someone who could have by now bought a tricked out Lexus with all the money I have spent on hundreds, hell, maybe even thousands of 4 dollar cups of coffee. They are out to get their fair share of the market. The 40% of the population of straight men that do not order coffee from a coffee shop. You know the ones that if they had to order coffee they would order a "large" instead of a Venti, because saying the word Venti would mean that somehow they had one more freakin "Y" chromosome. Or when the beefcakes at Coke changed Diet Coke to Coke Zero, thinking a man would feel like a sissy carrying around a Diet Coke can versus a COKE ZERO. And don't get me started on Diet Sprite, I mean nothing screams "fairy" like a man holding a Diet Sprite can...PLLEEAASSE.

Sex and coffee, I guess not a bad combination depending on who you are marketing to. I mean what man wouldn't want to fit in a 7am morning oogle on his way to work of a hot 20 year old in a bikini with hard nipples. It gives a whole new meaning to the word perky. And if the coffee won't "perk" you up then something in your pants will.

And let's talk about these twenty something babes? Seems like a pretty high risk job to me. If they have any aspirations to headline at a Gentlemen's club near you, they better be careful. Because I imagine having a 3rd degree burn across your stomach from a hot milk mishap is not near as sexy as it sounds. "Tonight, gentlemen for your viewing pleasure, please put your hands together for Scalded Sarah."

The local owner of Wiki Wiki ends the article stating that she may bring men on in the near future, complete with a speedo, of course. Uhh, yeah, that's a good idea, because there is nothing I would like more than being brought a vanilla non- fat, sugar free latte by a "Diet Sprite" drinking fairy in a purple banana hammock. Seriously?

1 comment:

Michelle said...

Oh it's too much. Your blog is too funny. Playing catch up tonight and lovin it! The only thing that could make coffee more attrative to me is if someone else would get in the car to drive and get it!