I have spent most of my adult life walking over pennies. I find them completely frivolous in all their medial copper splendor. I admit it, I have tossed aside many a penny while I concentrated on their more significant cousins the nickle, dime and the now lustrous, "state themed" quarter. I simply couldn't be bothered with that penny. Not only was I too lazy to pick actually bend down to pick it up but my pride would always manage to supersede my need, God forbid someone would see me. Was I too good for Lincoln?
Sure there have been some exceptions, but it was only when luck was concerned and I needed a little extra. Maybe I had an at home hair color kit and needed a just a little extra luck that night achieving that perfect all over hair color (without splotches or turning my blond hair, green), so I would stop to pick one up. Or maybe I was just feeling overall unlucky (it happens, you know) and thought I could use a change of fate that day. So on those rare occasions, sure, in all of my Frenchy glory, I have bent down while saying aloud, "find a penny pick it up all day long you'll have good luck." Wait, didn't Kenickie get hit in the head with the door of "Greased Lightning" after she picked up that penny and gave it to him? Must have been tails down.
However, lately I don't care if the penny is heads up, heads down or sitting in cow manure, I will bend down and pick up that fine minted piece of copper craftsmanship and put it in my pocket. OK, the cow manure is a stretch, I don't think I have walked in a cow pasture since 1987 when I tried my hand at cow tippin after downing a six-pack of Busch light followed by a couple of shots of Mad Dog 20/20 Key Lime flavor, it was a bad idea. Actually the cow tippin was a good idea, the Mad Dog was not. So instead I'll say...if it was sitting in dog crap. OK, that too is a stretch, let's be honest, I don't need a shitty penny that much.
My point is, that lately I seem to be walking around feeling a little guilty. Like all of my superfluous spending will come upon me soon and deliver a Super Wal-Mart size bite in the ass. Am I really too good for that penny? I suppose I am also to good to clip coupons? Are we truly as impervious to this current economic situation as we think we are, or I think we are? What if one day like most of America our bottom falls out and we will are left to survive on grilled cheese sandwiches and watered down tomato soup, just because I had to have three fedora hats that I don't wear anyway? Well, actually that wouldn't be too bad, if I stuck to the healthy choice version of the soup and used fat free cheese, I could drop a couple of pounds at the same time, plus I like grilled cheese. But then if I lost those couple of pounds I would have to celebrate by buying a new pair of jeans and that, my friends, would put me in a quandary. Argh.
So from now on, I am going to do my part and I am going to pick up that penny. And if I stop traffic picking it up in the Target parking lot, I will pick it up. And you know what else I will do, I will ask for my three cents back and not so gallantly toss it in the "need a penny, take a penny" jar at the gas station. Because if pick up about $1000 of those pennies I can actually buy that pair of jeans I have sitting on layaway with a hat to match.
I Mean Seriously Why Can't I?
