Sunday, November 27, 2011

Thankfulness, wait is that even a word?



Facebook- 30, Me- 16, that is the final score of the thirty days of thankfulness that I attempted to write daily for the month of November. I realized there was a problem when I barely made it past the first week and had to list days 8, 9 and 10 all in one day. Well, to my defense, I also know full well that dredging baby carrots in ranch dip while drinking a diet coke is not a healthy lunch. Don't judge, my jeans will do that for me. Speaking of jeans, why is it that as the holidays approach, I all I want to do is bake I mean slice and bake cookies. I am NOT a bear, but why does nature F*&* with me by urging me to start bulking up for the winter??

I digress, DONT GET ME STARTED. Anyway, I continued to press on past day 10 and kept up my thankful list, each day getting a little less creative but a little more heartfelt...thankful for my husband, my kids, the kindness of others, etc. All and all I say I made it unofficially to day 16, maybe 12, I don't really remember. Before I knew it, I was out of thankfulness steam, forgotten sometime between "Winesday" and I am too busy for this shit..day.

Now, don't get me wrong I am both grateful and thankful for just about everything in my life. In fact, I may be one of the most grateful people you will meet. I just couldn't complete the challenge. It's OK, I am used to it, 30 days of being thankful can take a spot between 365 days of pictures and my 6th grade diary, Days 1-5. But as I take a stand this year, against the bears and the cookies, I decided today to come up with another list. If I could do it all over again here is what I would be thankful for:

I am thankful for:

1 The fact that my kids can finally take a shower.

2 Bathing poufs.

3 Shampoo and conditioner combinations... I mean who has the time.

4 Twix bars.

5 The team of 25+ network gurus who decided to call the National Geographic channel, Nat Geo...saving me three syllables.

6 The man who created the leopard snuggie, classy.

7 Libraries, love me some books.

8 The option to document our lives with photographs instead of a diaries.

9 Snapfish.

10 Forks or any utensil really. Living in Japan, we don't realize how good we got it in America.

11 The Wright Brothers.

12 Living close enough to school that my kids can walk.

13 Living close enough to the club that I can walk.

14 Hazzard lights, especially when it is snowing.

15 Right Said Fred.

16 Sushi.

17 Japaneses toilets: namely the air freshener and the white noise features.

18 The ability to say "no" and mean it.

19 Zumba or any excuse to shake it.

20 Amazon.com

21 Moscato.

22 Colored christmas tree lights.

23 Stephanie Meyer & The Twilight books. For giving us 30+++ year old Mom's the idea that Edward could show up at any moment and sweep us off our feet. I wasn't the only one right?

24 Hot pink tucked away in the smallest of places.

25 Chelsea Handler and Tosh.O.

26 The internet.

27 Friends across the miles.

28 Flip Flops.

29 Magazines at check out registers, also super glue and baby wipes.

30 Fridays

There 30 days of thankfulness... FB can Suck It!

Sunday, November 13, 2011

I can't make this stuff up...


While searching the internet some time ago, I found this comment in the Yahoo forum. After I pissed my pants, I immeadiately placed it into my blog log where it was later completely forgotten. I found it this weekend stuffed between my letter to Oprah and my list of 25 things I wanted to do within the next year. The marathon can suck it for now.
I won't go into why I was searching for "slimquick" really I can't remember. I could have just polished off a bag of oreos with a Mich Ultra chaser, or tried on my skinny jeans only to realize that they came complete with a muffin top, this is not the point. The point is that anyone that poops their pants "in a private car no less" with such EXCLAMATION deserves a shout out.

Enjoy:

THIS STUFF THIS "SLIMQUICK" CAUSED MY MALE GENITALIA TO TURN A STRANGE COLOR BLUE. I RODE THE TOWN BUS AND POOPED!! UNCONTROLLABLY. I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS "SLIMQUICK" MAKE ME POOP ON A PUBLIC BUS!! NOT EVEN A PRIVATE CAR!! I ADVICE YOU DO NOT USE THIS PILL UNLESS YOU WAN TO POOP IN PUBLIC AND HAVE YOUR SEPCIAL PARTS TURN STRANGE COLORS.